Looking back

         Time really flies by.  I know that’s such a cliché thing to say, but it’s true.  At the beginning of my time here I hated it when volunteers would say this because that’s all I wanted it to do.  Instead it just stood still.  During my first few months in site I found myself thinking how I wouldn’t be disappointed if something came up that made me have to head home.  In fact, I kind of wanted it.  It was getting sick all of the time, wasn’t able to communicate with people in my town or the outside world due to poor Spanish skills and low/no phone signal and internet, as well as a handful of other issues that just left me feeling as if I were climbing a steep and endless mountain that I’d never completely summit.  That being said, I knew I would never be able to live with myself if I quit, so I kept on going trying to concentrate on the positives and just look 

forward.  Luckily, those positives are what kept me going through the hardest times.

 

            I now find myself with only 8 months left of service and looking back on all of those hard times.  Thinking back on the times I posted about all the great things I was doing on this blog to try and put on a positive front when I was actually struggling.  The times I’d joke around with other volunteers about the number of bacterial infections, parasites, and skin reactions I had had.  On all of the times I’ve stressed out over any number of different issues.  I’ve figured out so much about myself over the past year and a half, and it’s been quite the roller coaster ride of emotions.  But as I’m looking back on all of this, I don’t know when I started thinking of doing what I had once thought crazy: stay in Nicaragua longer than I need to.  I think it honestly just think it snuck up on me.   I haven’t been getting sick every other week, I feel competent enough in Spanish to hold a decent conversation, I’ve more or less learned to work with my cell phone/internet situation, and I have finally been making more Nicaraguan friends my age.

            Now that I’m looking towards the future and am starting the dreaded initial job searching and networking phase, I am figuring out I don’t want to leave just yet.  Nicaragua has becoming my reality.  I would love to extend a third year in the Peace Corps, but financial issues are making that look like less and less of a reality.  I guess we’ll see what happens.  Because while things still come up that tick me off and stress me out, I feel like I’m finally learning how to deal with it. 

            The past week and a half or so is a perfect example.  I learned that I under budgeted for my stove/oven project due to an “AND/OR” in our stove guide that should really just say “AND.”  A teacher forgot that I had co-planned with her and taught without me.  On two different occasions teachers accused me of not telling them something about a class that I had talked to them about days before.  I had finally figured out all of the details of, and planned out a field trip for next week that I was super excited about only to find out that the Ministry of Education just banned field trips.  And in general, my plans have just changed so many times that I can barely read my planner through all of the cross outs.  The difference is that this time I legitimately have let most of it roll off me within an hour or two.  Things that usually stress me out beyond belief haven’t been getting to me as much.   It is much easier to concentrate on the positives when I don’t have to consciously do it to try and forget the negatives.  With all that said, I’ve had a pretty cool week!!

5 things that stand out from this week:

1) Made another oven

2) Was able to help someone from the States on his PhD. thesis by introducing him to people in my communities for his interviews.

3) Got to listen to a new teacher I’m working with go off on a 10 minute rant about equality and respect regardless of sexual orientation when a student used the Nicaraguan equivalent of the word “fag” in class.  It was great!!

4) Went on a few really good runs!  The view is so great in the afternoon!

5) The library in one of my schools that was built 2 years ago finally get a truck load of donated books!  It felt like Christmas!